Well the very first line of my latest blog (yes im finally writing one after ages) bring back some very vivid memories of this festival during my childhood. Since my dad has had a transferable job, and no im not an army kid but daughter of a geologist, i happened to have got the oppurtunity of experiencing it in its very heartland - UP, lucknow to be more specific. Holi in the whole of north India and with a special mention to Uttar Pradesh is celebrated with loads of gusto and fervour. Its a big festival here and thus given a special treatment.

Having living there there was no way i could have not tasted the flavor of holi in UP. No matter wat excuses i gave, at the end of the day i would bee seen scrubbing besan, oil, soap and almost everything suggested to get the color off my body. But it was all so much fun, nevertheless. The preperation for the big day would start weeks in advance. The sign of holi related props being sold on streets would fill us with excitement and we would start badgering our parents to buy us balloons and pichkaris.The children in the neighbourhood would gang up to chalk out plans and stratergies on how to attack innocent people walking on roads with water balloons.Some would hide on the terrace of some building some someplace else, it was the time of the year when each and every kid would resolve his/her differences with one another and would work as a team towards one aim...making gullible passerbys victim of balloon attack. Every target met was applauded with cheers in unision, afterall its not easy to hit bulls eye in dark and that too when u r nothing more than 3"7' tall. But since it was all done in harmless spirit so no one really bothered.

Mummy would get irritated with my requests to make yummy ghujias, as the market ones are something which i have not been able to relish till date. Constant badgering from my side would make her heart melt and she would ultimately suffice.Helping mom in preparing ghujia n other snacks were the high point of the festival as my sister and i would smuggle tasty tit bits while mom was at it in the kitchen.Dad would happily become a member of our food raiding mafia and the three of us would polish of plates after plates of the yummy delicacies that mum would prepare...this goes without saying what a wonderful cook she is!! Mom would lose temper on our rustic eating habits but i know she still can't stop blushing over the fact that our eating spree was a silent compliment we paid her on her marvellous cooking skills. I love your food mom!

The day of the holi was eagerly awaited. The night before it would get impossible to sleep for the fear of over sleeping the next day would force us to keep our eyes wide open. At the crack of the dawn the newly bought pichkaris and vibrant colors would be taken out n diluted in the the water tank so that anyone who came visiting us that day would be dunk in it atleast ones.We would fill up or pichkars and rush to our friends houses to smear them with colors first only to discover that even before we could enter their place we had already been theown a bucket full of colored water by them from the balcony...damn!! Why did i evertime time became a victim of the same old boring trap?

Mom dad would get busy with their set of friends while my sister and i would equal it out with our respective friends. Eggs, paint, charcol, mud and everything dirty was used to smear each other and seriously no one woul mind as they say, "bura na mano holi hai". Bhaang in various variety would be served and as kids i would say it was our first enconter with alcohol in its most rustic form. Mom would not scold us for tasting it as she herself would be high on it. It was the time when everyone was allowed to make merry and have fun.It was the time when the music would play loud and people would let themselves loose.

Though things have changed a bit since we moved to delhi but the love for the festival still remains the same. Holi is just round the corner and mom,dad and i would be visiting my sister's to celebrate it with her and my brother-in-law once again in the heartland of the festival UP (Meerut). And as the sense of deja vu sets in i just can't resist badgering my mom once again to make ghujias for me.

Happy Holi to all my friends, family and to everyone who would read it!!!

Where Ravi was into hardcore romance, the poor boy-meets-rich girl drama, the song-and-dance sequence along with Shiamik Davar-style rich, engrossing choreography, Vinay was a more subtle issued man who could churn out films made on social issues in a bid to create awareness amongst society.

The two very clashing minds are not just competitors at the ticket counter; they have a relationship that goes beyond the worldly topics.Ravi Kajaria and Vinay Mathur have been friends since adam's. Ravi, an orphan, was rescued by the then adolescent school-going heir to a tyre-fortune Vinay, from the streets of Dehradun. And they had since then formed an unbreakable bond of affinity and affection which continued despite their early years of struggle, first as obscure spot boys in a B-grade film to their success, together, as A-class filmmakers.

But today is a big day for the both of them as they both stand on a threshold of a career which the both of them have struggled hard to shape into the most pristine of a structure. A career that has stood the test of time and also the only common thing shared between the two of them, their love and friendship for each other. So can the fate of their respective movies destroy this invincible bond that they have always shared between them? Can the ruthless ways of this industry force the two of them to swear each other's blood and forget the days when the only thing mattered to them was their friendship?

Both of them have been releasing their films, till date, on the same day. Call it destiny or a mere coincidence, but whenever they had done this they had tasted nothing but success at the box office. So, going by the tradition, this time was going to be no different. Ravi's latest film "Pyaar ki Duniya", a simple exotic love story of two star-crossed lovers and after weeks of rigorous publicity, "Dosti" touted the year's biggest blockbuster by Vinay a take on best friends turned sworn enemies- was releasing on the same day.

But all this had kept Vinay and Ravi completely unaffected.best friends, competitors for years.but in different genres.

"How can I imagine competing with you Vinay," said an unfazed Ravi, holding a can of chilled Kingfisher Beer. "But yes, it's a different feeling altogether that our films are releasing the same day."

"Arre chadd yaar.tu jeeta, main jeeta.ekko gall hai," pouted Vinay. "Let's carry on."

But in hearts of heart there was a mind game both were playing. What if the crores spent on the film just crash? What if the reviews are bad? What if one's film is declared better than the others.but at what cost?

Come the Big Friday.adrenalin rush was high, tempers soaring, a nail biting day began with a visit to the temple followed by a break at the trade analyst's office which was to be their home for the next 2 days and decide what turn their career would take next. Whether they were to come out unscathed or would be completely destroyed, never to re-emerge from their ashes.

The industry, the worlds largest by ticket sales, was waiting eagerly to see if the two films could strike gold in a year in which most big productions had bitten the dust and only a few low-budget ventures tasted moderate success. All eyes were set on Ravi and Vinay, the industry's blue eyed boys, to perform a miracle for the ailing box office.

The day was coming to a close, reviews were out and so were the figures of total collections of the first day. Even though the critics had panned Ravi's love saga, the box office was playing collections were narrating a different story altogether. Audiences loved the story line and the dialogues from the movie were on their way to becoming a sort of a cult. Half the battle for him was won and the other half, he was confident he would win by Monday. But on the other hand a complete opposite had happened with Vinay's ambitious project. Even though the critics hailed it as a masterpiece the audiences were quick to abandon it because of its no song and dance routine. Creativity was being overlooked for the mundane run-of-the-mill romance. But like all things unpredictable box office belongs to the person who knows how to make his/her audience happy. And Ravi seems to have mastered this art. Even though Vinay was far superior a filmmaker than Ravi, in all respect, but in the fight of conventional vs unconventional it was always Ravi's tried and tested formulae that won. It had always happened and it had happened this time too. But what was different this time was that while Vinay's film were considered second best, in terms of collection, to Ravi's blockbuster this time Vinay's was not even 5^th best. It was a complete washout on the very first day and showed no signs of revival on the next. Vinay was a distraught man. He had put in all his hard work, imagination, money, creativity et al in this one project which he had dedicated to the everlasting bond between Ravi and him but the world had rejected it.

The critics still loved him, like always, but this time he wanted awards and adulation too, something that had evaded him all this while. At award functions too it was always Ravi who was pitted against him but despite strong lobby from the jurist he always lost on the popular count. Ravi was a darling of the hoi polloi and Vinay, even though tried hard to win masses always failed. His only wish in life was to win a popular award in the best director category like a stamp of approval from the audiences who had deceived him so far. And with the way the news of his yet another film falling at the box office, his hope to register a mark on the audiences mind was lost, yet again.

Ravi knew it was hard times for his friend so he goes to meet him. Trying hard to console him Ravi suddenly realizes that Vinay was a lost soul now. Not paying attention to what he was trying to explain, Vinay kept on staring at the tree outside the window. Ravi was scared that Vinay might try to end his life but then realized that he was the most positive soul present, around. Suicide was a word that was not present in his dictionary of his life. He might be sad but would collect himself once again and return to his jovial self once he had passed this recurrent phase in his life.

Days and months passed. While Ravi was seen on every channel basking in te glory of his newly declared blockbuster movie, Vinay had become a recluse. He was tried to reach by the reporters but to no response. Ravi would often come visit him, as he was the only one whom Vinay would agree to meet, but still he would not exchange a word with him. He would continue to stare at the tree as if to believe that like the tree he would continue to live a silent existence but would never give up on life.

Then came that time of the year when it is celebration time for the industry. The period when whole of the industry would come together and honor the best of the year gone by- he awards time. Even though Ravi was the expected winner, but what left everyone wide eyed was the nomination of Vinay's film in almost all the technical and popular category. This news had shocked a lot of people as they had never expected that a washout of a film like "Dosti" could garner the interest of the jury member. But like they belived, it was a far more superior and well made film than any other that year. Ravi was ecstatic to hear this, therefore, rushed to give this news to Vinay. Though deep down in his heart Ravi knew that the result at the function would completely shatter Vinay , but he also knew that the news of being nominated could instill a ray of hope in the otherwise dead eyes of Vinay. Ravi insisted that Vinay come with him for the function but Vinay refused. Perhaps he did not have the heart to face another failure.

The night came and awards were announced. Category after category Ravi swept the nominations. He was happy but also feeling a little uncomfortable thinking how would he face his friend. But these are the ways of the industry and one has to move in life despite success and failure. Then came the turn for the last award of the night- The best director category. Like all the other categories Ravi was pitted against Vinay in this one too, and knew that like always it was his. All eyes and ears were open to hear the name of the winner. The celebrity opens the envelope and pops a surprise that leaves everyone surprised. Its Vinay and not Ravi this time. The audiences were shocked, the anchor was shocked and so was the announcer, but this was the moment of glory for Vinay, something that he had always dreamt of realizing. It was the moment he had lived everyday in his life. But now when it came he was not there to see it happen. He was not there to experience it. So as a close associate and friend of Vinay it was Ravi who went to collect the award on his behalf. An emotional Ravi tell the till now surprised audience that it was the best day of his life as he would be able to resuscitate his friend with this trophy.

Ravi doesn't wait for the show to end. He gets into his car and fly's it at a jet's speed towards Vinay's. All this while he is thinking how happy Vinay would be to finally hold his dream in his hand. With this award he had proved himself to be audiences favorite too. As soon as Ravi reaches Vinay's bungalow, he leaves his car unparked at the entrance and rushes towards Vinay's room. He finds Vinay sitting, as usually, on his rocking chair staring at the tree. The T.V. had been left on but he doesn't pay attention to anything as he is too excited to hand over the trophy to Vinay. He calls out to Vinay but Vinay doesn't respond. He goes to the other side of the chair and finds him still staring at the tree. He places the trophy on his lap and in an emotionally chocked voice says, "This is for you my friend. This is your dream that no one can take away from you". While saying this he places his hand on Vinay's only to realize that they are cold with no life running through them. He quickly gets up and tries to shake Vinay up but to know response. His attention suddenly goes towards the T.V. set that is running the news piece of Vinay being declared the best Director at tonight's function.

Ravi's eyes swell up with tears as he realizes that his friend, his lifeline for most part of his life was no more. It was the realization of his dream that had killed him. He had, finally, managed to overcome all the odds in life only he was not alive to enjoy this phase of his life.

Holding a woman's dress responsible for bringing upon misfortune on her is an excuse often given by men inorder to hide their own vulnerability and lack of self control. Their raging harmones, brutish character and masochism are some of the reasons that drive them to commit a crime as henious as rape and blaming it on the women further discloses their handicap in maintaining their status as the ultimate authority on a woman's life. If they consider themselves to be brave and qualified enough to tell a woman what is good or bad for her then why do they indulge in an act as horrible and damaging as rape or sexual assault?

As a feminist, i have always believed in the emancipation of women. To be able to do things the way they want to, to be able to wear what they feel like, go where ever they want to and with who ever they want to are little little things that would make them feel independent. The recent incident of a mob of 70-80 men pouncing on 2 helpless women, at the dead of the night, in the country's most safe city just goes on to define how pervert men have become. They were not wearing revealing clothes yet were attacked in the most shameless of manner. Their clothes were torn and they were molested by hordes of men for absolutely no fault of theirs...or is it their fault that they were women who had come out to celebrate the beginning of new year the way the rest of the world had? So tell me how would men justify this repugnantly hateful act of their's?

The purpose of women's clothing should be like that of a barbwire; protect the object without obstructing the view. The length of the cloth doesn't matter as long as the person wearing it is comfortable walking around in it. Men will be men and would continue to blame it on the women because blame game happens to be each man's favorite sport. With their kind of built and strenght the best way to harm a woman is by physically attacking her. They are smart enough to know that by forcing themselves, physically, on a women is the best way to make them bow down to them but fools enough to understand that their pleasure of few minutes can destroy the whole life of a woman forever. They refuse to acknowledge the pain that they would be forced to live with for the rest of their life. When men feel threatend by the precsence of a woman the best way to bring her down, according to them is, is by physically demean them. For every unrequitted lover, rape is the only way he thinks he can make that woman her's. To revenge upon her sexual assualt is what they restore to because it would cause her permanent damage. How sick such a thinking is!!

Blaming short skirts, tight tops or skin revealing clothes is not the reason why crime against women is gaining strenght. Women in villages and small towns, who drape six yards of cloth or wear salwar kameez, are equally subjected to such kind of humiliation. So tell me for how long can a women's clothing be held responsible for her maltreatment by the so called stronger sex? If there is something that is deplorable in such a scenario then it is the very putrid mind of men, around the world, who look at every women as an object to curb their sexual appetite. For them no matter how young or old a woman is, she is meant to only sexually gratify him and nothing else.

To all the men who are quick enough to blame a women for inviting trouble by dressing up wrong, all i would say is that there is nothing wrong in dressing up to look beautiful. The trouble lies in the mind and the eyes of the person who takes it otherwise. It is the thinking of that person which is at fault who views the women as an object of sex. It is he who needs to change and rehabilitate the beast within him rather than feed him by pouncing mercilessliy on vulnerable damsels.

Try and appreciate beauty and not spoil it by unleashing your demonic side on it.

Whatever said and done, the topic was rather interesting as it opened up a can of worms for me. There were a lot of issues that were not discussed as forthrightly and assertively as i'd rather would have loved to. Issues like the impact on the parents of individuals going for such adjustments, the societal problems that they often face and how they would manage to keep their relationship to being just platonic and nothing more than that, were pushed aside. When all three were saying that they had a member of the opposite sex as their flatmate, i wondered how their families must have reacted. It's a fact that how much you would deny your invovement with the other person, especially in cases like these, its difficult to convince your family and society, at large, about the sanity of your relationship with the other person. Because the truth remains that once the door of your flat is closed the world doesn't know what goes in there. Agreed, it's nobody's business to question your integrity but for how long can one escape the prying eyes and never ending inquiries of the very socitey ,that no matter what one feels about, was is and would always remain a part of. Ignoring it is a possibility but completely escaping it is utopian. No matter how much one would try to stand against it, the isolation would take on and completely destroy the person in question from within.

If we try and overlook, though an impossible task, the socitey and its useless concerns with our personal lives then the people most affected by this trend are the parents of the individuals involved in such a scenario. Their upbringing would be questioned from time to time, the kind of culture that was taught to them back home would become the topic of scrutniy for everyone. The whole situation would come down to pointing the very teachings of those two people (read parents) who, in most of the cases, would not be even aware of the things their little ones do once out of their cocoon. It's important to understand that once we step into the big bad world outside our sheltered homes, even though we appear to be standing alone but what we carry with us is the years of teachings, manners, culutre etc, given to us by our parents. It's their name that gets tarnished first, before ours, when we induldge in something frivilous. So why put their reputation at risk when we can avoid such situations.

Aping the western culture has become a norm rather than an exception. But what one fails to understand is that things which are acceptable there might not fit the scheme of things back home. Its quite natural there to move out of your parents home once you are 18 and start fending for yourself quite early in life but its completely the opposite here. Parents here spoonfeed the children till the time they start earning and moving out on parents is considered nothing less than sacrilege. So, in a nutshell copying the western ideals and standards might not always go down well with the audience back home and 'cool' might not always sound 'kewl'!

The other worst affected party could be the partner/lover of the individual in question.Though the basis of every relationship is trust, but even it tend to falter with time.With emotional dependency increasing on the person you are staying with, the lover might feel jealous and in some cases even left out and a misfit. In times of crisis we usually call up people whom we live with or say close friends or someone who would understand us better and find a befitting solution to the mess that we could be in at that point of time. In this case it could be your flatmate, as s/he would have seen you going through worst of emotional upheavels, would know what kind of situations you feel vulnerable in and what makes you feel strong, therefore, the role of the lover as a comforter takes a back seat.That is not because you are involved with that person in any way but because in good or bad, happy or sad, best or worst times you guys have stayed with each other and even if something goes wrong in a days time you would still go back to the same appartment to sleep with the same person, even though in separate rooms.So, no matter how easy or paitent your lover is with your flatmate there is something inside him that would constantly tweak him about your comfort level with this other person.In some cases such thoughts are ignored in some suppressed but time and again they do lift their ugly head only to destroy the bond that one used to share at one point of time.But the question that bothers me most here is that would these people be honest enought to tell their future lovers or spouses the truth about their previous living status? Even though they were living with some one else and not exactly in a live-in relationship, but how many of them would be able to see the fine line between the two and accept them for what thier future would hold for them, together, rather than how there past could affect them?

But with every relationship comes its pros and cons.It would be foolish to say that this arrangement does not have a positive side to it. The amount of knowlegde that one can garner about the opposite sex is absolutely priceless.It can help them judge a person better in future and even find a genuine partner/lover.Even if its an economics driven situation, the bond that they would form with the person under such circumstances would remain strong forever and the two would always have an am-pm friend just a call away.And even better, if they fail to find some one whom they can truly call their own, then s/he can end up getting married with one another because there is no one around who would understand them better than the one who has endured the pain of living together, accepting each others flaws as something natural and not to be blamed for.

But one question still remains unanswered. "Would i ever go for such an arrangement?". Well my answer to this is straight,simple and universal,"No matter what gender,we all love to live in the company of women!" ;-).

The person in question, my friend, who happens to be the inspiration behind my aggressive and livid post was unable to come to terms to the fact that his girlfriend was being offered a job which would not only place her at a better position in the corporate world than him but would also go home taking a package heftier than his. He was sulking thinking that she might now start boasting her new found status, as a better earner, amongst their common friends and also perhaps start looking out for someone who was better than him. But would someone please tell this disillusioned friend of mine that if it is not his package than definately his putrid and illogical mind and thoughts that would do the needful for him.

Men, for reason's known to the almighty, are born with egoes the size of a planet. For them women, as long as they look good and sit pretty at home are nice but the moment they step into the outside world they become immoral and wanton. And heavens forbid if she earns more than the man in the house then he would be the first one to brand her as a tramp, who would have used her charms and looks to get what she gets. I often wonder that why can't men simply accept the fact that women are equally at par with them and it is not the century where they would easily take in to the title of the 'weaker sex'.

The brain behind our countries politics is that of a woman, the President's chair is being graced by a woman, the colas that we drink and enjoy is being provided to us is courtesy a woman, the cradle of the world's super power is being swayed by a women of today...so tell me are they really the weaker sex. There are innumerable examples in the history of the world where women, time after time, have gone ahead and achieved what they wanted to without any support from the opposite sex.

The society's mindset is rigid because it is controlled by people who believe in living in a regressive society.These are the people who think they can influence the minds of the people and can make them do things their way. We often hear a lot of people talking about the development and progression of nation but the crux of the matter is that untill and unless there is equality of sexes no nation can progress. To maintain an equilibrium the stakes at both the end should be balanced properly.

Men need not feel threatend if their girls are earning equal or more than them because the fact is that they would continue to love them for what they are and not for what they have in their banks. If they are educated, smart and have the ability to cook up a storm in the kitchen as well as the board room then why waste their talent as trophy wives or girlfriends? Even they have their dreams and aims which they want to realise. Don't cut them short, infact be those wings with which they can fly and enjoy being the beautiful creatures that they are.

Dancing and enjoying in the boisterous festivity is fine but the least that we can do on this special day is sit and reflect on the year gone by. We are surrounded by all the people who matter to us and with whom we would have shared ups and downs during the year gone by. It is important for each one of us to sit together and share our experience during the almost gone year. This way we can share our little-little happiness and sorrows with our loved ones and also get a chance to reflect on the mistakes made during that year which we can avoid in the year to follow. Sharing these little experiences would also bring you even more close to your friends and family and help you strengthen your bond of love and trust even further. To make a day as special as this important you need not have the best of champange and caviar to accompany because even a cup of simple coffee and pakoras by the fireside would make you feel as happy and wanted.

The year gone by, no matter how good or bad, would always remain special to our souls because if not for anything else it atleast would take our maturity levels to a different level and most importantly help us spend some significant time with people whom otherwise we might not meet on a regular basis. And also we would get some matter to discuss on the next new years eve;-).

So spare a thought for the wonderful year going by and please make it a point to bid adieu to it in the style which it truly deserves.

Have a happy and a chatty 2008:-)!!

For me switching over to greens was not an easy task. At times i would skip meals because the spinach and other leafy vegetables would taste bland. All through i had to fight a constant battle of taste vs health, and im glad that i took sides with health. Thankfully i realised that chiken, pig(pork), fish and the delicious varitey of sea food might taste yummy but the benefits which cauliflower, broccoli, spinach etc, were proving my body were not to be ignored either.

The other reason why i was admant on switching over my diet was the plight of the animals. We enjoy the sight of a well served dish, which in all its glory look appetising enough to fill our stomach with its smell. But on the hindesight we often forget that the chicken that is being served to us was alive and kicking just a few minutes ago. These chickens are not given any kind of sedatives or sleep inducing medicines before being butchered, infact they are butchered in cold blood. There are about 7-8 chickens crammed together in a 2x2 box where they can barely breathe forget getting any space to atlest stand in the correct posture. They can easily sense their journey to death when they are handpicked by the butcher and placed on the gallows to be immolated for our selfish cravings. They flutter their wings, move their legs vigourously and try everthing possible to get away from the grip of the butcher... but alas! The moment they are placed on the slab they put a stop to any kind of moment because they know that this is the end for them. If you would be kind enough to ask them their last wish you can easily read it in their eyes their pleas for a painless death. But which carnivore on earth would sympathise with them?Who would give up their eating habits for a harmless and helpless chicken?...i guess no one!

I know i would receive a lot of flak from people who just swear by their love of fine dining the non-veg style, but just think for a moment aren't you creating a graveyard in your stomach of a sorts by filling it up everday with these mute and at times beautiful and cuddly animals? Their aroma may tickle your taste buds and satiate your hunger but do not forget that your stomach also happens to be the death bed or resting place of these poor souls. People have pets at home and treat them like their family members. They cannot tolerate to see them being hurt by a stranger and their favorite pooches ill health is reason enough to depress them. So, my question to all you people is that if you canot bear to see a poor voiceless pet of yours in the slightest of pain then how can you enjoy eating an equally helpless animal served to you on your dinner or lunch plate??

Trust me turning into a vegetarian not only improves your health but it also lifts up your spiritual quotient. It cleanses you of any sort of putrid emotions and makes you feel healthy. I turned into a vegetarian because if me not eating could save lives of hundreds and of thousands of animals, whom otherwise i would have enjoyed in my meals, then i would rather consider myself as a much purer human being. So, thank god i did become a vegetarian because being a vegetarian, seriously,...accha hai!!

This was my emotional state on the day my sister got married. For me, as a kid, my sister meant the world to me. Till standard 5th i did not have many friends because with my sister around i never felt the need to have them. She was my confidant, my guide, my philosopher blah blah blah!And then when (after struggling really hard with scores) i reached class 6th, life took an amazing turn. I changed school. Since earlier we were reading together at Carmel Convent, Lucknow, all the nuns and sisters knew me as Ashima's sister. Thanks to my sister, who by the way was a very brilliant and well known student, half of the school knew me like that and the other half did not even know that i existed. It did irritate me a lot but the memories of those days are not very fresh so i cannot recollect if it turned me into some sort of a rebel.But never mind with the change of school i thought i can be myself and create an identity of my own but worst was instored for the poor me. The identity i hated ( being adressed as ahsima's sister) had left me and a new one had taken upon me which i felt was like a nightmare coming true. My new identity was that of an anonymus.I hated it but accepted it without any indulging my self into any sort of extreme reactions. I realised that this was the time for me to prove my meteal as an individual and tell the world that there is more to me than being someone's younger sister.The fight was already on and i was working hard on improving my personality. But deep down, in the middle of my gooey heart i was missing being compared to my sister. I was longing to be called her shadow, i was wanting to be identified as her sister.

Flash forward to today...when i look back at those old days all i can remember of is the time my sister and i had happily spend together. The times when we would conspire to hide a secret from mom and dad, when we would stand for each other (and always it was and still is me who becomes the target of mom's anger), the times when we would blackmail each other and swear on each others life if either of us was caught wearing each other's clothes.All these little then scary but now sweet memories are atill vivid in my mind. Thankfully the memories of the time when i was struggling hard to walk away from my sister's shadow has completely faded for had i allowed myself to succed in that battle of mine, i believe i would have lost my most precious thing in my entire life. My sister, my life!For all the people who have a younger or elder sibling/s it is very important to remember that when the whole world turns its back on you its not your friends but your blood that would support you.And it is not because you don't have any real friends but it is simply because there is no one else who understands you better than them. They are the people who have grown up with you, known your weakness and strenght and also stood by you in times when your chips were really down. These are the people who have influenced you to stive for better things in life and also inspired the human side of your personality. Thank God for i realised this early in my life and saved myself from destroying one of the most wonderful and unconditional relation in my life. So, today when people tell me that i resemble my sister a lot or that i should try and be nice to people, like she is, neither do i go mad pulling my hair nor do brood i take pride in being suggested these things because after all we are of the same blood and there is absolutely no harm in being known as the shadow of the best sister in the world.

We guys are not living together anymore (unless and untill her my brother-in-law decides to officially adopt me)but the bond that we share is even stronger than before.Our relationship has had its share of ups and downs but i am glad that it has weathered every storm it faced.Internet, phone sms are all there to keep us connected with each other 24x7 buts its this really strong soul connection that we have that makes our bonding special.Wether we meet on a weekly basis or not our heart still goes out to each other and even the slightest gossip that anyone of us comes across is shared at the speed of light.Even though we live separetely our thoughts, our memories, our emotions and sentiments and most importantly our love resides in each others heart and that is what i think is the fuel for our survival.

To my most precious asset in the world and to my only soulmate all i would want to say is always keep similing...keep shining...knowing you can always count on me...for sure...that's what sisters are for...in good times and bad times...i'll be on your side forever more...that's what sisters are for!!

Love you always!

When I first felt your hands I know not why I shuddered

My mind is cluttered with questions

Was it you or was it the touch that left me damaged?

I was the smile, apple of someone's eyes

Life to someone, happiness to many.

Bright like sunshine, carelessly flowing with the flow.

You meant the world to me -

thinking it would end without thee.

Everywhere I went your eyes followed me.

Thinking they were to protect me;

but now knowing why they followed me.

You would stroke my head in my lonely moments.

Caress my back; fondle my bosom, to ward of my depression.

You would talk of hope while you ruptured my soul.

While you did it your eyes were always down

Perhaps fearing your daughter's inquisitive eye?

Every day you killed me.

Tore me from stern to stern.

Raped me of my aspirations and desires,

When I could have been so much more.

But the smiles are gone now.

I lay like a stone in the flowing water

Oblivious of the change around me.

The flowers in my garden are without fragrance

And the birds there shriek for help.

The pace of the world does not bother me anymore

Because the world around me seems so hideously dead.

Every day I get up from my sleep

Only to ask you

"Did you bring me to life only to kill me everyday?"

Here's wishing myself happy blogging!